Monday, June 30, 2008


I just wanted to write some thoughts down today. Life is just full of so many emotions and moments. I don't even know if I can express what I am feeling. Teeny Bopper and I were talking a few days ago about the question, "If you could know the exact moment you were going to die, would you want to know?". We discussed the pros of knowing, like not worrying about dying in an accident before your time, you could be less careful and let your hair down a bit more maybe. You know, do some of those crazy things like sky diving because you know you wouldn't die yet. Now some cons to knowing would be being too daring and getting seriously injured while doing one of those crazy things, and then there is the dread and sadness that would come as your "time" approached. I concluded that I would rather NOT know exactly when I was going to die, because the sadness would overwhelm me.
We just found out on Friday that my Uncle B, my mom's only sibling, has pancreatic cancer that is very advanced and the doctors gave him about a month to live. We are all in shock. I just can hardly believe this news. I am finally able to cry about it. For some reason, things usually take a little while to sink into my head. I feel like I come across as insensitive because I can't really react right away when I receive news like this. So when my mom was telling me this sad news and crying her eyes out, I was just in shock I guess. But now that I am alone sitting here with mascara dripping all over my white t-shirt (previously stained, so it's alright) I feel like it is finally starting to sink in.
It would be nice if they could do something for him, or if maybe they gave him the wrong diagnosis. I react pretty immediately to happy news, so I would be doing the happy dance if that were the case. But I'm pretty sure they don't tell people they have a month left to live unless they have good reason for doing so.
I'll write more about Uncle B later, but wanted to post about it now. It's so unreal.

So, would YOU want to know when your time on this earth was going to end? Or would you rather not know? Tell me, because I want to know what you want to know, ya know? :)


Jen said...

Hi Salsa. No, I would not like to know. I have thought about this a lot. When my husband died, it was such a shock, but when my mom and I look at holiday pictures, we sometimes think, "I'm so glad we didn't know that this was going to be Rob's last Thanksgiving (or Christmas or Father's Day) because it would have been overwhelmingly sad. I think God is wise to have chosen to surprise us. To me, it's better that way.

*Katie May* said...

yes and no. I would like to know to be able to be better at spending quality time with all my friends and family but then no because like you so I would be dreading it all the time. So I guess my final answer is no and I am just going to do better at spending more quality time with those I love :) I am so sorry to hear about your Uncle.

SuperCoolMom said...

I'm not usually into surprises, but that is definitely one that I don't want a head's up on! Although I might like to have some time to finish some scrap books, write some heartfelt letters, tie up loose ends, slip in an outrageously expensive trip to Europe, and write up my funeral program. Hmmm, maybe a month would be just the right amount of time.