Monday, June 30, 2008
I just wanted to write some thoughts down today. Life is just full of so many emotions and moments. I don't even know if I can express what I am feeling. Teeny Bopper and I were talking a few days ago about the question, "If you could know the exact moment you were going to die, would you want to know?". We discussed the pros of knowing, like not worrying about dying in an accident before your time, you could be less careful and let your hair down a bit more maybe. You know, do some of those crazy things like sky diving because you know you wouldn't die yet. Now some cons to knowing would be being too daring and getting seriously injured while doing one of those crazy things, and then there is the dread and sadness that would come as your "time" approached. I concluded that I would rather NOT know exactly when I was going to die, because the sadness would overwhelm me.
We just found out on Friday that my Uncle B, my mom's only sibling, has pancreatic cancer that is very advanced and the doctors gave him about a month to live. We are all in shock. I just can hardly believe this news. I am finally able to cry about it. For some reason, things usually take a little while to sink into my head. I feel like I come across as insensitive because I can't really react right away when I receive news like this. So when my mom was telling me this sad news and crying her eyes out, I was just in shock I guess. But now that I am alone sitting here with mascara dripping all over my white t-shirt (previously stained, so it's alright) I feel like it is finally starting to sink in.
It would be nice if they could do something for him, or if maybe they gave him the wrong diagnosis. I react pretty immediately to happy news, so I would be doing the happy dance if that were the case. But I'm pretty sure they don't tell people they have a month left to live unless they have good reason for doing so.
I'll write more about Uncle B later, but wanted to post about it now. It's so unreal.
So, would YOU want to know when your time on this earth was going to end? Or would you rather not know? Tell me, because I want to know what you want to know, ya know? :)
Posted by Salsa Mama at 12:04 AM